this boner is exhausting
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's always time for handjobs
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
