I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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