just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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