I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
