just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
