I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
