a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
