I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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