i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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