just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
