i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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