Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
