is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
