there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can I color on your dick again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
