Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
