There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
