I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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