At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
