saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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