I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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