she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
