stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
