Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
