dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
