Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
