He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
