Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
