Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
