Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
