Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
