My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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