that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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