I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
