I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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