i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
