Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
