he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
