drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
