I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
