no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
