i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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