All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
