I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
