ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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