he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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