I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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