Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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