2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
