oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
