its not stalking. its research.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
