I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
