I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
