Say something about gay babies.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
