I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
