Where did you get a picture of my penis
I cockslap morals
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
