Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
