i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
