so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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