We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
