shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
