Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
