This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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