____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
