in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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